The benefit of psychological problems

Aware of their desire to solve problems and that solo attempts lead them in circles, people go to a therapist with a dose of optimism that the symptom will disappear as if by magic, without any consequences. However, that is not the case.

Let's see what happens if we momentarily distance ourselves from the ghost called a "problem" and try to look at it from a different angle. What I learned in my psychotherapy education will sound paradoxical to many, but it's a good topic for reflection.

Secondary Gain from a Problem

The term I'm discussing here is secondary gain, or the benefits we get from our problem. Doesn't that sound like the most nonsensical thing you've ever heard?

If I were to ask someone, "What benefits do you get from your depression?" the answers that follow are usually instant: "I don't understand the question? What benefits do I get from not having the strength to get moving, from feeling completely listless and worthless, and from every effort being in vain?"

If you look more closely at the previous sentence, a treasure can be dug up beneath its context: I don't have the strength to get moving; I'm listless and worthless; every effort is in vain (translated into the language of secondary gain: "Since I am the way I am, my close family must accommodate me, give me attention and care, I have financial support...")

Or it's possible that there is a belief that you "don't deserve" to recover and lead a normal life—that you are worthless to be happy. When self-punishment is the secondary gain, then you punish yourself to get back at someone else, e.g., a parent who didn't treat you fairly.

Remember—no one ever does anything if they don't get some benefit from it!

It can happen that someone else draws a benefit from your secondary gain, such as a partner or parent who controls you with their care and doesn't allow you to become independent, because that would mean you would become independent and separate from them.

In any case, since we are very complex beings, these are not the only benefits we draw from our problems.

Secondary gain is, therefore, omnipresent in people's psychological struggles and is independent of the type of problem, and it often appears as resistance to change. Its existence is mostly rooted in the unconscious, and the more resistant the symptom is, and the longer it lasts, the harder it is for the person to see the benefit they get from their problem. It happens that even when a client sees that they get some benefit from a problem, after the session, they "forget" or unconsciously decide not to think about it, because admitting to a secondary gain would mean: "I created this problem because I'm getting a benefit from it."

Symptom Spreading

A symptom (panic, anxiety, depression...) as the main representative of a secondary gain, would be a useful thing if it remained in the aspects of life where we need it. But we don't expect it to expand and exploit our physical and mental health in situations when we should be relaxing and enjoying ourselves.

For example, a person who is depressed only when they need to find a job carries that anxiety with them when they should be socializing and relaxing and enjoying themselves... Although the problem carries with it a certain gain, the overall balance shows that the damage is incomparably greater.

All clients understand the amount of damage their symptom causes, which is why they seek psychotherapeutic help. When clients become aware of the hidden benefits, and then use simple math to calculate that those benefits aren't so great when compared to the damage they get from the symptom, they become significantly more motivated to commit to solving the problem and dedicate themselves to change.

All in all, exploring and becoming aware of the secondary gains we get from a problem is no small thing. After a person becomes more aware of it, they have the freedom to decide whether to continue down the beaten path and stop the natural process of growth, or to forge new and unknown paths of development.

Author: Nemanja Kurlagić – psychotherapist using the O.L.I. method