Man's group

Are you interested in what benefits you can get from it?

For generations, men have been led to believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. That's why men's therapy groups provide an environment where men can get the help and guidance they need to navigate life, without judgment.

Whether you're looking for guidance to advance in your career, strengthen your psychological and emotional health, or support in facing various life circumstances, being part of a men's therapy group might be just what you need.

What Is a Men's Group?

A men's group is a therapy group made up of 6 to 12 men, in an environment that allows them to, without shame or judgment, share what's happening in their lives, vent, develop emotionally and psychologically, and get guidance on how to overcome challenges in different life circumstances.

Most groups meet in a quiet room with chairs arranged in a circle so that each person can see everyone else.

There is usually a group leader (group therapist) and a co-therapist who lead the group and ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity to speak. They also encourage the conversation to have a stable and focused flow. In addition, the group therapist's job is to make all participants feel as comfortable as possible so they can freely share their content.

Group activities depend on the therapist's style and the group's goals. Some therapists may plan discussion topics for each upcoming meeting, while others may promote a more free-flowing discussion style.

Men's groups can be held in person or online. Meetings are held once or twice a week, lasting an hour and a half. Therapy groups last at least 6 months (with planned topics), while groups with a free discussion style can last a year or more.

What Can You Expect in a Men's Therapy Group?

Men's groups aren't just sitting around a fire, doing sports activities, or just 'hanging out.' In a men's group, it's best to spend time exploring the things you are struggling with in your life.

Often, men attend groups to talk about things they are not comfortable discussing with others. Maybe they don't want to burden a partner or family with problems, or they don't want to talk about something that's bothering them because of shame. Fortunately, these groups are a safe place to talk about everything you're facing in life.

The fundamental rule of the group is confidentiality. For a men's group to function, the conversations held in it must be sacred. Privacy is an important factor for the group, as it is the only way to build trust. Therefore, what is shared in the group, stays in the group.

One by one, each man informs the group about his life, and then they receive feedback and different perspectives from others on the situations they are facing.

One week, a guy in your group is dealing with a divorce. Another with being fired. Someone might have health problems, self-confidence issues, or problems finding a suitable partner. At each meeting, the guys have the opportunity to talk about anything they want.

No one is obligated to speak, but others will certainly support you and make you feel comfortable when you do talk about yourself.

What Can You Expect at the Meetings?

At group meetings, you can expect questions like: "Can you tell us more about that?" or "How do you feel about that?" or "What do you plan to do?" Sometimes you will get advice, an opinion, or feedback: are you putting yourself in the role of a victim, or are you acting like an aggressor, or have you burdened yourself unnecessarily with things you can't control? They will ask questions about ambition, motivation, communication, inspiration...

Below, I will list ten of the most common questions that appear in my groups:

1. What does it mean to be a man?
2. How did your family influence you as a man?
3. What strategies do you use for coping with stress and problems?
4. What significant events or traumas from your life have influenced you and how?
5. What do you need to gain trust in other men?
6. How have you dealt with betrayals and disappointments in your life?
7. What are some of your secrets that you have been hesitant to share with other men?
8. What is the significance of shame and self-judgment in your life?
9. What is the nature of your relationship with your father? Mother? Siblings? How has that influenced you in the role of a man, partner, friend, father, worker?
10. How do you feel in the role of a man?

Reasons for Coming to a Group

There are numerous reasons why men join groups. Below, I will touch on a few of those reasons:

Problems in Interpersonal Relationships One of the most important things in life is relationships. And inevitably in relationships, especially romantic ones, conflicts arise. Sometimes we can't easily connect with others. Maybe a close relationship has cooled down, ended, and there is suffering. Sometimes we feel lonely and isolated from others. Men's groups are a good place for healing and providing support to those facing these problems.

Finding a Career and Life Purpose It may seem to us that everyone has put the pieces of their life path together, except us. Maybe you're jumping from job to job, while losing motivation for success. The group can help you find your path, life purpose, and dream career.

Family Problems Many men struggle with family relationships. Deep down, everyone wants to get along with their family, and that struggle can take a lot of energy. The guys in the group can help you find the root of the problem and offer you solutions (or relief). Especially those who have gone through similar situations.

Success Who doesn't want to be more successful? The group can give you advice on how to achieve success more easily, safely, and with better quality, and offer you advice on how some have gotten to where they are now.

Self-Confidence Many men feel they lack self-confidence. During their upbringing, they didn't learn how to set clear boundaries, to say no to others, or to stand up for themselves. Men's groups are a good place to 'practice' self-confidence, to openly express opinions without fear, to become firmer, and to learn to make life decisions more confidently.

Getting to Know Yourself Many people don't know themselves well enough, nor do they love themselves. It's hard to admit, but this is one of the harsher truths. With feedback from others, the group can help you learn about and love yourself, because the truth is, when you share your inner thoughts, you'll see that we are all the same.

Gaining Friendships Maybe you're looking for friendships with guys who are on the same path as you. Coming to men's groups can help you gain friendships you never even dreamed of, friendships that can completely change the course of your life.

Emotional Intelligence Men in groups learn to control their emotions. This is very important because without understanding emotions, failure is guaranteed. When we are upset, sad, angry, or under pressure because of something, the emotions you feel may not be coming from the situation that's happening. That's why it's important for guys to understand their emotions and learn to manage them.

Accountability Many men need help taking consistent action to achieve their goals. Accordingly, many seek a group that will hold them accountable for achieving their goals and staying focused and directed in life.

Loneliness Loneliness is no good because it makes facing problems harder. You have no one to turn to. Isolation creates pressure because you have to do everything alone. Instead of facing problems alone, with a men's group, you have a team with whom you go through things together.

What Can You Get from a Men's Group?

Joining a group has countless benefits, and they can vary from person to person. Here are some of the most common benefits that guys have mentioned after joining and going through a group:

• They have become better fathers, husbands, partners, friends...
• They are better at communicating and understanding others.
• They have become more responsible, productive, and self-aware.
• They have increased their self-confidence and self-esteem.
• They have found meaning and purpose.
• They have improved their relationships and communication skills with the opposite sex.
• They feel better, happier, and more fulfilled.
• They have achieved greater success and inner peace.
• They are building better relationships with others outside the group.
• They have saved time and energy on their problem by applying the advice of those who have already gone through the same thing.
• They feel more connected to others and to themselves.

How to Find a Men's Therapy Group?

It's not easy to find a men's group. I think that, besides the one I run, there currently aren't any others in our country.

Regardless, I recommend you go and see if a group is something that suits you. You can only benefit from coming to a men's group.

Author: Nemanja Kurlagić – psychotherapist using the O.L.I. method